Baby, Is That You?

Feeling a baby moving around in your belly… it’s such a strange feeling. Strange and completely amazing at the same time. I love it. I absolutely, whole heartedly love it. I’ve been feeling baby move around for over a month now. At first it started almost like a little tickle from the inside. Many moms call the feeling “flutters”. You know the feeling when you’re on a roller coaster or drive over the top of a hill too fast and your stomach flips? That’s how I’d describe what I felt for a few weeks. Only it wasn’t in my stomach, it was in the area below my belly button. The movements became a daily occurrence, and baby began to move around more in response to certain things. For example, he seems to love it when I drink orange juice. I try to have at least a glass every morning to give me and baby an instant shot of our fruit servings for the day. And it always gets him going. It feels like he’s dancing in there. Another drink he seems to like is water, plainly enough. I can drink a Coke and feel nothing, and then drink a few sips of water and he starts moving. And the food he seems to react to the most is salad. But not just any salad – it has to be a salad from my favorite pizza place. It gets him going every time. A salad from anywhere else doesn’t quite have the same effect.

Back on topic… about a week ago, the movements started getting much stronger. They felt more coordinated, if that makes sense. I told Kevin that it felt like any day, he should be able to start feeling the baby move too. I felt so bad that he hadn’t felt the baby move yet. Here I was, feeling Bun moving every single day and Kevin just had to sit and watch. Actually, he had to sit and listen. I’d always say “Bun’s on the move!” or “That really got him going”, not realizing that it was probably breaking Kevin’s heart that he couldn’t share in the feeling. I would get so excited that he was moving around in there that I’d just blurt it out. Don’t get me wrong – Kevin was excited too, but he wanted to be able to feel what I was talking about. So rewind to a week ago… I started feeling much stronger movements. It was like baby was working on his jab. Whatever it was, it was getting much more powerful than the little “flutters” from the weeks before. So I started walking around with my hands glued to my stomach. I wanted to feel it from the outside, and I wanted to be sure that’s what it really was before I got Kevin’s hopes up.

It happened Friday night. After 3 days of constant hands-on-belly, I was laying in bed watching tv (yes I know, my Friday nights are too exciting for most to handle…). My hands were on my belly by chance (my belly’s getting to the size where it’s hard to put my hands anywhere BUT the belly when I’m laying down..). And there was a little jab on the lower right side of my gut. Instinctively, I shrieked. Then there were 2 more little jabs in the exact same place. I shrieked again. I had been waiting on this moment for months, and there I sat shrieking at my stomach like a maniac once it finally happened. It wasn’t at all what I was expecting, but then again, how do you really know what to expect of something kicking from inside of you? Ponder that for a second…

I yelled for Kevin to “Get in the bedroom RIGHT NOW” – something that probably gave him the impression that I suddenly felt the need for nookie because he was there in a flash, kicking his shoes off as he came through the door. Much to his disappointment, there I sat in bed, fully clothed, holding my side, jaw dropped, and tears in my eyes (sidenote: My reaction to just about ANYTHING lately is to tear up). “I felt him – give me your hand.” We must’ve sat there for 10 minutes with both of our hands covering every square inch of my belly, waiting for any kind of movement. And there was nothing. Kevin was disappointed. And I felt awful.

…Fast forward a couple of hours…

We’re both in bed watching tv. I could feel baby moving on the inside again, so I nonchalantly moved Kevin’s hand from holding my hand to resting on my belly just over the spot where I could feel baby moving around. After a few minutes, I felt a really big thump. I jerked my head towards Kevin to see if he felt it. There he sat, smiling, looking at my stomach from the corner of his eye. “Was that him?” All I could do was smile and tear up.

Hello, Baby!

I decided to change the name of my blog. I wanted something a little more relevant to me right now. So I picked two of my favorite things. Flip flops and maternity pants. It just doesn't get more comfortable than that. 6 months ago, the name may have been something like "High heels and Chardonnay". But this whole "baby mania" has turned my world upside down. And I am loving every second of it. Well, almost every second of it. I have my bad moments, which are becoming more and more frequent. But I digress.

I haven't seen our baby on screen since I was 7 weeks pregnant. My doctor ran an ultrasound just to confirm that there was, indeed, a baby hanging out in my uterus. And that's when we saw it for the first time - this little bean-shaped blob attached to the wall. We were in total shock to see this living creature INSIDE of me. We were reeling - excited and totally freaked out at the same time. After that, there were no more ultrasounds. There was no medical need for them - I was low risk and everything in my bloodwork and lab tests seemed to show normal results. But once I accepted the fact that I was in fact pregnant, I wanted to see my baby more. I wanted to see it every day. Every. Single. Day. I read every week to see what was going on with it - what new organ systems he/she was developing. How big it was. How much it weighed. I rented a fetal doppler so that Kevin and I could listen to the heartbeat whenever we wanted. I was absolutely in love with this baby, and I hadn't even really met him/her yet. Kevin and I kept a countdown for my 20 week mark - that was when we'd get another ultrasound and get another look at our baby.

That 20 week mark came on December 29th. We woke up pumped. That was the day we were going to see the baby again, and with any luck find out if it was a boy or girl. I'd had a gut feeling for a few weeks of what the baby was, but in all honesty all I wanted to hear was whether or not our baby was healthy. I wanted to hear that it had all of its organs, its measurements were good, and it was developing as it should be. And if the baby was feeling less-than-modest that afternoon and we could see whether it was a boy or girl, fan-freaking-tastic - that would be icing on the cake.

Everything went as perfectly as we could've hoped for. We watched the baby move around on the screen. He/she moved his/her hands around its face and stretched its legs out as we watched in awe. Our baby was BIG! So much different than the little bean shape from 13 weeks before. This is probably the most precious thing that I've ever seen - it's my favorite ultrasound picture that we got. Tiny baby feet.

And then the big news. The ultrasound tech said she was 100% positive she could tell whether it was a boy or girl. Of course we said we wanted to know, and she confirmed what my gut had been telling me for weeks. She confirmed that I had some inkling of maternal instinct that I was seriously doubting I was capable of having.

WE'RE HAVING A BOY!!!

Baby Luke, we can't wait to meet you. See you in May.

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year! I was thinking last night about everything that happened in 2008 - it was probably one of my busiest years yet.

• I started a new job - entering a field that I knew nothing about - with hope and determination to kick some ass.
• I found out what it was like to live without my husband for 2 months while he was in Malaysia on business.
• I took my first solo international trip to visit hubby while in Malaysia.
• I turned 25 - an age I'd feared for so long. And it really hasn't been so scary so far ;)
• I traveled the country for nearly three months straight for work - hello frequent flier miles!
• I became mortally obsessed with a book series.
• I made new friends and mourned the loss of a family member.
• I watched both of my nieces turn one year old - my GOD how time flies!
• I argued with a pregnancy test that tried to tell me there was a baby in my uterus.
• I surrendered after 4 pregnancy tests and embraced pregnancy, with all its ups and downs.
• I put my best friend to sleep and tried to figure out what in the world I was supposed to do without her - I'm still trying to figure it out in 2009.
• I moved into a house that my husband and I designed and watched come to life over the course of 5 months.

Overall, 2008 was a year of change for me. I learned that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for. And I also learned that I needed the support of family, friends, and my incredible husband more than I ever imagined I would. I am so lucky to have everything that I do, and I am so lucky to have so many incredible people in my life. I only hope that 2009 will bring both challenges and laughter to continue shaping me into the person I strive to be.

Loss of a Friend

On Thursday December 11th, I lost my best friend and side-kick of over six years. Abbi was more than a pet, she was my forever loyal and constant companion.

In November 2002, I was laying on the floor of my apartment in Mississippi. I was flipping through channels, anxiously waiting for my sister to return from a trip back to Houston to visit our family. Normally, I didn't stare at the clock counting the minutes until her arrival. But that time was different. She was bringing something back for me. She was bringing me a puppy - an early Christmas present from my parents. Before laying my eyes on this puppy, I had already named her. Abbi. I remember the apartment door opening and I never once looked up to greet my sister. My eyes instantly locked on this tiny, black and white, runt-looking creature that came trotting through the door. I fell in love as she ran straight for me, like she was waiting to meet me too, not even caring to sniff around her new home. I picked her up to eye level, letting her lick me all over my face. And that was the beginning of our friendship.

As she physically got older, Abbi never seemed to age a single day. She got bigger, yes, but her puppy mentality seemed eternal. Whether we were at home or visiting friends or family, it seemed Abbi's personal mission in life to kiss every single person there. She wouldn't stop until she was satisfied that you had gotten all of the kisses you could stand. I think she may have even converted some non-dog-lovers to her side. Once Kevin and I had moved to Houston and into a house, we still seemed to be learning new things about Abbi. One was that this dog could run. FAST. Once she was out of the apartment and had her own backyard, she never wanted to stay inside. She loved being outside, and if our other Boston Terrier Baxter (who we bought 2 1/2 years after Abbi) was outside with her, she'd run him all over the yard. Almost like she was taunting him, proving to the rest of us that she was the fastest dog in the land. Something else we discovered about Abbi was that she loved to swim. Whether we were at the dog park or at my parents house, Abbi would go barreling into the pool. A few times, I went outside to check on her and she was swimming laps by herself in my parents' pool. She was dubbed "little fish" because she'd jump in, no matter what month of year it was, and occasionally swim under water to make sure everything underneath her was as it should be. Early on in her lifetime, we also discovered that Abbi smiled. Not the kind of smile that a lot of owners claim their pets do where the corners of the mouth turn up and the tongue hangs out while they're panting. No, my baby had a big, toothy grin. I think it started by accident because of her slight underbite, and then she caught on that we responded positively when she did it. So it became a method of endearment for her. When Kevin or I ate, Abbi would sit next to us or on the floor in eye sight with a big grin. Or if one of us wasn't in the best mood or Abbi did something that resulted in scolding, she'd flash a grin like "I'm sorry - does this make it better?" And it always did.

In January 2008, Abbi had her first seizure. I had no idea that's what it was at the time - it was so minimal. I saw the whole thing happen, grabbed her into my arms to see what was wrong, and of course she covered my face in kisses. The fact that this dog's top priority was to show affection, even while suffering a seizure, still amazes me. Once it was over, Abbi was totally fine. Like nothing happened. So I blew off the incident - I had no idea it was the beginning of something awful. Three months later, the same thing happened. The exact same thing. Only a second episode followed about 10 minutes after the first was over. I didn't blow it off this time. We went to the vet. The vet dismissed it - it didn't sound like seizures, she said. No tests, no bloodwork. Maybe it was a reaction to Kevin being gone, she said - he was coincidentally out of town both times it happened. So we went home. It wasn't seizures, thank God. Or at least that's what we were told. Until July 4th weekend when this (see previous post) happened. It solidified my worst fears. They were seizures. Abbi had fluid on her brain causing them. From July to present, Abbi continued a vigorous schedule of medications. They had to be given at certain times to keep her blood levels and brain activity levels stable, otherwise she could enter another episode of seizure activity. Kevin and I had to schedule our days around her medicine times. Did we care? Absolutely not. She was like our child, and there was absolutely no question that we'd do whatever was necessary to keep her healthy. She had a few small seizures in August, but they were minimal and totally manageable. Then nothing until Sunday December 7th. She had a big seizure. Kevin and I were able to stop it with her dog-Valium. All was well again. Monday was perfectly normal. Abbi was extremely affectionate - moreso than usual. And she was antsy. We both noticed it, but wrote it off to her maybe being stressed out from the packing and moving boxes that were collecting in preparation for our big move. Now we think that the affection and antsy behavior was her way of trying to tell us something big was about to happen. Tuesday December 9th I went home from work early. I wasn't feeling well. Something was off - it wrote it off as pregnancy related. So I spent the afternoon napping on the couch with Abbi curled up next to me. It was our last time to just BE. At 8PM she had a small seizure. We gave her Valium which helped, but not as much as it had with her seizure a few days before. So I took her to bed. I fell asleep with my arm around her, so I'd feel if she had another seizure. I just had a bad feeling I would. At 11PM I woke up to her having a severe one. Kevin and I gave her another dose of Valium, which did nothing. So we went to the Animal ER. It was exactly like it happened back in July. They kept her overnight and referred her to her neurologist the next morning. Only this time, Abbi seemed worse. Something wasn't like it was in July. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something wasn't right. Kevin and I discussed the possibility of putting her to sleep with her neurologist. We all decided to give her until Friday the 12th to see if she could snap out of it. I never thought it possible to pray and cry over a pet so much during those days. On Thursday the 11th, her neurologist told me they'd found pneumonia in Abbi's lungs. That in combination with her brain disease was basically shutting down her respiratory system. We made the decision - it was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. One that I'd never wish on anyone. But I couldn't let her suffer.

Kevin and I were both with her when she passed the afternoon of December 11th. Abbi was sedated, but aware that we were with her. I was at her head, kissing all over her face while her neurologist gave the injection. I know Abbi would have turned the table and kissed all over my face if she'd had the strength. Once it was over and they took Abbi from the room, I felt like they were taking my heart with her.

I know that we made the right decision. There was no way that Abbi would ever be the same, if she even recovered from the pneumonia. Kevin and I knew in our hearts that as much as we wanted to be selfish and keep her with us, we couldn't let her suffer. Now we're trying to figure out how to be without her. All three of us - Kevin, me, and Bax - are trying to adjust. I think the hardest times for me are right before bed and again when I wake up. Those were "our" times. We'd lay in bed and cuddle, usually for hours before Kevin and Baxter would come claim their man-space in bed. And in the mornings, I would wake up face to face with Abbi - under the covers with her head propped up on my pillow, just like me. Every morning, she'd get out of bed with me and lay in the bathroom while I got ready for work. Then we'd get her medicine and I'd put her back in bed with Kevin and Baxter before I left. I still roll over in the mornings expecting her to be right there. I never thought I could miss an animal so much. But a pet becomes such a fixed part of your life, and when they're suddenly gone, it takes time to get used to that seperation.

There's a well-known story in the world of grieving pet owners. I cry every time I read it, but it also brings me comfort. Get your tissues ready if you're a pet-owner:

The Story of Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent. Her eager body quivers. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Abbi will be forever missed. There are no better words to say it.

Please Stay Back At Least 4FT

Hormones.

Surging, raging hormones. They have almost completely taken over my actions, my facial expressions, and most unfortunately my speech. The first few months, my hormones remained at bay. Sure, the Chandra monster would raise its ugly little head occasionally. She'd snap at a few people, give the hubby a dirty look, and then go back into hibernation. Totally manageable with quick recovery. Lately, though, HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. Sometimes I feel like pure evil. And admittedly, sometimes I like it. I say things that I've always wanted to say, but never previously had the cahongas to say. Take this morning for example. I was on the phone with a customer service rep for one of my credit cards. I told the woman she was incompetent - seriously, I literally told her she was incompetent. She had absolutely no idea what she was doing. God bless her if it was her first day, but she was being obnoxious and not doing her job and I told her just that. For reasons like this occurance, my hubby has done his best to prevent me from interacting with the public. AT ALL POSSIBLE. Apparently, hormonal Chandra feels it is her civic duty to seek out those who cannot do their job at peak performance levels and tell them what a failure they are.

However, as with most things, there are two sides to this sword. Sometimes I feel awful when my mouth or body language reacts without my permission. Most of the time, this involves me snapping at my innocent husband. It's happened more often that I'd ever imagined, and I've learned to do something that I've always dreaded. Swallowing my pride and apologizing. OFTEN. I've never been a fan of such. But evil Chandra makes it impossible to avoid. Too bad we're only about 1/2 way through this roller coaster ride. God love him for sticking with me.

On a completely different note, we move into our new house THIS FRIDAY!!! Over Thanksgiving holiday, we received an offer on our current house that we absolutely could not refuse - they were offering EXACTLY what we had the house listed for (i.e. no obnoxious and stressful price negotiations). There were only 2 catches - they needed our help with the closing costs, and they wanted to close December 12th (which at the time gave us TWO WEEKS). Without hesitation we said DONE and DONE. With some frantic phone calls and a little pressure on our construction manager, we seemed to have pulled it off. Both our current house and our newly constructed house will be closed on Friday. Details are still being worked out with the lenders, and our new home is getting its finishing touches as we speak. So it's not a done deal YET, but we're thisclose. When I tell you that we are excited, it's probably the biggest understatement of the century. To move to a brand new house that Kevin and I designed from the framework up, not to mention the fact that we'll be back in SPRING - just minutes away from my family and our best friends - is such an amazing feeling. I just hope nothing falls through. At this point, I don't think we'd allow anything to fall through. I'll be sure to post pictures once we're in!

Things are Looking Up...

This week marked my 14-week stamp of pregnancy. 14 WEEKS! That's over 1/3 of the way through.

I'm now in my second trimester, and let me just say it is fan-freaking-tastic compared to the first. While I'm not too far into it yet, I'd imagine this is probably where most women get the whole "I love being pregnant - if I could be pregnant forever, I would!" crazy mentality. Yes, at this stage, I'm loving being pregnant. I love knowing that there is a baby - MY baby - growing in my belly. I love knowing that soon I'll start feeling it move around, if I haven't already felt it (I've had a few instances the last few days where I'd swear I have). I love that my belly is starting to pop out, even if right now it still looks like I've eaten a few too many pints of Ben and Jerry's. I honestly feel like I have been a happier and less-stressed human being since I've been pregnant (clarification: happier and less-stressed ASIDE from my insanely rampant hormone swings). HOWEVER - do I love it all so much that I would go so far to say that I'd be pregnant forever if I could? That's a big n-to-the-o. I think pregnant girls are so cute, and whenver I see one I want to run up to her and be like "I'm pregnant too! Want to be friends??" But with the cuteness, there is also a dark side. A few "for instance"s: my face seems to be going through a second round of puberty. Growing up, I've been lucky to have fairly good skin. I'd just break out here and there right before Aunt Flo came to visit every month. Now, my face is in a constant state of break-out (although actually getting better in the last couple of weeks). I've also begun feeling the aches and pains. God bless Kevin who doesn't mind giving me frequent neck, shoulder, and back rubs for temporary relief (I haven't quite talked him into the foot rubs... yet). Unfortunately the pains are constant and nagging pains that no massage or dose of Tylenol can unwind. My newest pain is one that has set up camp in about a 6 inch span across my lower back. Fantastic. Sleeping is also something that has continued to suffer. My growing belly is keeping me from sleeping face down, and I'm getting in to the danger zone of back-sleep risks (once the baby and uterus grow to a certain point, sleeping on your back can cut off circulation to baby and my lower half). So I try to stay on my sides all night, which has typically been my position of choice even pre-preggo. Because my body's posture is all out of whack due to my belly, I've started sleeping with a pillow between my legs to try to straigten me out again. It helps, but I fear that gone are the days of careless sleep. The plus is that I'm no longer waking up every 2 hours for a potty break. Most nights I'm able to make it all the way through the night without going! As the Pull-Ups commercial would sing - "I'm a big girl now!". And my main reason for not proclaiming my desire for eternal pregnancy... I miss my wine!! I miss my morning coffee!! Some people say that coffee is fine, as long as it's in very limited quantities. And once you're out of your first trimester, a glass of wine on occasion is okay. But I refuse to drink either. I am absolutely committed to doing all that I can to harbor a safe and healthy body for my baby, and if anything were to go wrong I want to know that I did everything I possibly could to prevent it. So 9-10 months without my morning coffee or wine nights with the girls is completely fine with me. Forever, though? Pshhh. No way!

As for Bun, he or she is supposed to be about the size of a closed fist now. Everything is in place, and from now on it will just be growth and development occuring. Something new this week is hair - eyebrows, eyelashes, and "baby fuzz". I've rented a baby Doppler machine for a month so that we can listen to the heartbeat as often as we'd like. I figured now would be a good time since the heartbeat is so strong and detectable, and because it was such a long stretch before my next ultrasound. We've used it a couple of times, and found the heartbeat within a minute or so each time. It's absolutely astonishing - I could lay and listen to it all day. I wish I could figure out a way to record it and upload, although I have a feeling you wouldn't be as enamored as I am with the sound ;)

**Complete sidenote - TWO DAYS until Twilight movie! Cheryl and I are so there opening night!

6 things I love

I've been tagged by Cheryl to post 6 things that I love. Now, I love a lot of things. Way more than 6. But I decided to go with the frontrunners on my mind right now. So here goes... 6 things I love:

1) Jolly Ranchers. Especially the Cinnamon Fire kind. But I also love Watermelon and Apple. Basically, if it's red or green, I love it. I keep my office stocked at all times.

2) Lemons. I like to cut them in half, sprinkle salt on them, and chow down. Seriously. I used to do this obsessively when I was a child (Santa would even leave lemons in my stocking - hey, they were cheap and I was happy so it worked well for both sides). And for some reason, I've picked this habit back up during my pregnancy. Cringe if you may, but it's magically delicious. Bun and I are big fans.

3) Money. It's been said that money can't buy happiness, but watching the bills pile up sure does put me in a crappy mood! With the economy in the crapper, our current house on the market, our new house under construction, and Christmas right around the corner, we're on a bit of a budget. We're both fortunate enough to have well-paying jobs, but right now we're feeling the clench (as I'm sure the rest of yall are or have at some point, right? I mean, I'm not alone in this, right? RIGHT??). Please feel free to make a donation to the Crane fund. Wait, make that Baby Crane's College Fund. Yeah, that sounds more legit. ;)

4) Houston's "cool season". The weather right now is gorgeous!! It's so hard to be inside at work all day when it's so nice outside. Sometimes I put my chair right up against the window so it feels like I'm outside. I make sure to close my office door so the people walking by my office don't think I'm loonier than they already do. I can't wait until it's cool enough to bust out the pea coat. Oh crap, will I need to buy a bigger one because of my bulging belly? Sweet Lord, please refer back to Thing I Love #3. It's a never-ending cycle.

5) Christmas season. I love everything about it. People are cheerier. Things smell better. You can't help singing along to Christmas songs (which, btw, they've started playing at the grocery store and Target!!) You get to wear scarves and gloves (okay, for like 5 days). And my three most favorite Christmas things:
(1) wrapping presents. I try to make every present look different - different papers (yeah, we end up with like 17 nearly-full rolls of wrapping paper after it's all said and done due to this), different ribbons, label tags. For a lot of people unwrapping presents is the most fun part. For me, it's the wrapping.
(2) decorations. Last year, I pulled Kevin into the mix by having him crawl all over the roof to put lights on the house (it was our first Christmas in our very own house). I was his cheerleader from the ground, but I don't think he was quite as enthusiastic as I was about it. The inside of our house gets all done up too. Cheryl pulled me into her ornament decorating obsession, and I created a custom mantle garland that was BEAUTIFUL, if I do say so myself!
(3) Christmas commercials. The Coca Cola polar bears are the BEST!! But I love them all.

6) The Twilight Series. Totally unorginal, I know. But I'm counting down the days until the movie comes out. Am I really going to elbow pre-pubescent and high school girls out of my way to see it opening weekend? Probably. As BFF Cheryl likes to put it, "I heart Edward". He's really my baby daddy. And Kevin knows this.

So I'm supposed to tag people from here. But here's my version of the "tag" - if you read this blog (even if you found me by chance and just happen to be passing through), I tag you! And let me know if you follow through with it so I know some of your loves :)